Relying on your inner strength can help you in difficult times, but relying on others is also important. From birth, people turn to those who support them as a safe haven, and the comfort they receive can assimilate them with the inner strength to endure and overcome difficult circumstances.
The person you turn to for comfort must be emotionally attuned to you. They should not only show empathy but also respond to your emotional needs.
Dr. Leslie Becker describes how a person can identify safe havens in their life. She advises;
Write a list of the people who are currently important in your life. Circle the name of each person that corresponds to the list of characteristics below. These characteristics represent people who can function well as safe havens:
1. He or she is a good listener, so you feel understood
2. He or she expresses a desire to be there for you when you struggle
3. He or she responds to your distress with caring, reassurance, and support
4. He or she effectively communicates his or her support and caring
5. Being in his or her presence feels comforting
The people whose names you have circled are likely to be those you can trust to give you comfort and help you get through your crisis in difficult times. However, they can’t be of help until you reach out to them. Many times people choose to carry their burdens alone, which makes their struggles more difficult and they withdraw from relationships that can help them.
One of the reasons people don’t ask for help is due to the fear of rejection. A way to build your sense of being able to rely on someone during a difficult time is to think about situations in which they have been accepting and comforting. Pay attention to any positive feelings you had, and open yourself to re-experiencing the relief you felt at those times.
Everyone needs someone they can rely on. Rejection should not be a reason to hold back when you are in dire need of help. You just need to be careful in selecting the people who will be there for you without being mocked or ridiculed. Make sure you find the qualities you expect in people before turning to them. It is also important not to end up taking advantage of those who are ready and willing to help you when you are in need.
